Is a destination wedding a good idea?
My fiancee Sarah and I recently got engaged. We are both in our late 20s. But since we just bought a house (she lives in it, I’ll move in after marriage), we don’t have much money for the wedding. We want to do a small wedding, but my Mom is upset because she has 7 brothers and sisters, and she wants all my cousins to come. She keeps adding to the guest list.
To complicate things, my fiancee’s parents (Detroit), my parents (Battle Creek), and we (Mount Pleasant) all live on opposite sides of Michigan. Both sets of parents are arguing that the wedding should be near them since everyone is 3 hours apart.
My fiancee’s parents invited us on an all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii with them. The trip is only 6 months away. With all the planning stress, I looked into beach weddings and there is a wonderful chapel that we could get married in. It would only cost us $500 and it is exactly what I want.
Sarah and I are excited about possibly getting married in Hawaii, but my Mom is angry because she cannot afford the Hawaii airfare ($1300/each) for the family. I’d like to help, but I am not in the financial position at this time.
All around wedding planning seems like a mess.
How do couples handle the family factor with destination weddings?
May 1st, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Everyone’s situation is different. If you can’t afford a big wedding and your mother refuses to trim the guest list, then simply tell her that you’re having a destination wedding.
No matter what you choose, somebody will be unhappy, so do what’s best for you and your fiance.
Congrats and enjoy Hawaii!!!
May 4th, 2009 at 1:33 am
Isn’t this your day, you should have whatever wedding you want. However, you should take into consideration your family but you shouldn’t let your mom take control of it either.
If Hawaii is too expensive, why not do something in Vegas, Florida, or the Caribbean?
Or, why don’t you guys just elope or have a small destination wedding ceremony somewhere with just close family and friends? And then have a small party where you live at some hall somewhere for the rest of your families?
May 5th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
You have to ask yourself what you want out of the wedding.
If you can be happy getting married without your family there, then go for it. Understand also that if you do decide to have a DW, most of your guests will not go. That’s the risk you take with a DW.
Would you be able to afford paying for perhaps your parent’s airfare?
May 7th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Sometimes it is very difficult for everyone to come to a destination wedding. I am having one also but we are doing it on St. Thomas while on a cruise and that alone isnt costing us 1300.00 per person including airfare. Hawaii is very expensive just for airfare alone. If you want to have the wedding there and have a small get together when you get back for everyone, that might be an option for you. We have having a reception about a month after we get back for everyone who could not attend the wedding itself. we do understand that not everyone will come but we are lucky that both parents and siblins will at least be there. I would talk it over with the pros and cons of each and come to a decision. Congrats!
May 7th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
We are planning a wedding right now, and it seems like everyone has input whether you want it or not. Huh?
I think Hawaii would be a wedding to remember, and that would always be special, but I think you would regret not having your mother there. However, it is very important that you talk to her about the guest list issue. People that are close to you will understand that you want/need an intimate wedding, and they will not see anything wrong with receiving an announcement after the wedding is over. But if it does come down to her not cooperating, you could threaten her with destination wedding to coax her into doing it your way.
Congratulations on the engagement, and I hope your wedding -wherever it is- is a dream come true!
May 10th, 2009 at 8:40 am
DO NOT DO IT THIS WAY! If your going to do it, NO ONE can be there. you can not have one side there and not the other. You will hear it for the rest of your life. if you want to go away just the two of you, then by all means, go! but don’t do it on this trip, it will seem like you picked sides and your side wan’t your parents.
But destination weddings are awsome!
May 11th, 2009 at 11:44 am
No matter what you choose it’ll **** someone off. If you want to get married in Hawaii then do it! It will be a beautiful wedding. When you return home you can have a BBQ or some type of reception at your house and invite everyone over, then can still congratulate you and celebrate with you that way. Seriously, do what makes you happy and what you will look back on and remember years from now.
May 12th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Usually the biggest problem is the family getting over the fact that they couldn’t go. The bride and groom never (not usually) have any regrets! I say go for it. Hire someone to film it and get together with your family when you’re back, have a party and watch it! All the fun, none of the stress!
May 15th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
i’m getting married in jamaica in march with just our parents and siblings. since i told my family 6 months ahead of time, they have time to save and this will be their yearly vacation. his brother’s fiance is complaining about it b/c she says that they don’t want to pay the money (even though they have it and more). frankly, if they can’t pay, they’re not coming. aside from the fact that i don’t like her, this is our wedding, and i feel that family should make sacrifices to do what is important to the one who is celebrating. i think that you should tell your family that this is what you want and that if they can’t make it, you won’t feel bad. in the end, it’s you and your fiance’s day. good luck and congrats!
May 16th, 2009 at 5:08 am
Your wedding, not her’s. Gently remind her of that. If she would like for all of the family to be involved in something, have an engagement party and/or a small get together for the family after the wedding. Go on your vacation, get married, and enjoy yourselves in a beautiful setting. If your mother is hurt because her parents are going to be there, but they can’t. Make it just the two of you and a minister.
May 19th, 2009 at 3:41 am
I’ve been to a few destination wedding and they were expensive. You can’t expect everyone to be able to attend, and some feelings may be hurt.
If the parents are fighting over 3 hours in the same state that’’s ridiculous. Traditionally it should be the bride’s hometown. I also think the city where the majority of the wedding party and guests live is a good choice.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
oh…this sounds so like my life. My fiance and i got engaged and planned a fall wedding right away only giving me 6 months to plan everything. Well, in the middle of all this we moved to florida. After many long discussions, we desided we are going to vegas and anyone who would like to go is invited, i invited all my family and friend but knowing alot of them where not going to go because of the trip. We then planned a reception back in ohio, not florida. After everyone started having their input and i started to **** the idea of a recpetion i cancelled the whole thing all together and booked a reception hall in vegas…this is what i want and not what they want. and for once i am happy with this idea and no one is saying anything to me about it…just remember this is YOUR day and no one elses so make it all about you!
May 20th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
You can’t get married without your Mother so you need to start again. Sit down with your Mum and tell her what you have told us. Tell her that you can hold a wedding for immediate family only, that it will be in Michigan but YOU will decide where, and that you control the Guest list. Then you & Sarah can sit down together and define who you want to invite and go to Hawaii for your honeymoon!